There have been some changes in me lately, can I tell you about them?
I had an experience that literally changed the course of my life and made me who I am today. Let me start with how I thought at one time. I used to think God did not care about me but, I now feel much more settled about those feelings. There was a time when I thought God did not exist. I thought of myself as useless, unwanted, used and an abused individual, although, all these things had taken place throughout my life they were mostly due to the influences of others.
Bending over backwards
I was going through life wanting happiness, bending over backwards for others and while I filled their wants needs and desires mine were not being filled, which left me feeling used, abused, dirty and ashamed. After all these events took place I had to repent and surrender my life to God.
Surrendering Amongst Drowning
This is what it looks like when you fully surrender. I turned to God and gave him everything and I stopped pursuing everything on my own. I cried out to God telling Him I am yours use me, fill me, complete me and deliver me what you feel I deserve when you feel the timing is right, not what’s on my agenda. I gave God the steering wheel and allowed him to steer. I let go of everything, I thanked him for where I was. I enjoyed and loved what I had at the moment even if it wasn’t much.
The most important thing was that I was able to focus on was my two children. I now see Jesus as my father that I can go to any time of the day or night. When I had this change happen to me I started to spend more time in His word. Since then I have learned that I can lean into him, versus others.
I have endured countless things that have been thrown upon me. Including one particular day, the day I asked God a question. This particular question to GOD was on a blazing hot day in the greater Sacramento area of California! I was the ripe age of 43. At this time in my life I had been re-married for 6 years, although, I had two children from a prior marriage, my son had just turned 14 years old and my daughter was only 10 years old.
During this time I was about fifteen pounds overweight only because there was no time to eat or cook meals at home. At this time my spouse owned and operated a security business. We both had our private investigators licenses. I was working full-time for a technology company and re-enrolling in college and I owned and operated my own bakery business during the weekends.
The Vehicle I Was Driving
The vehicle I was driving (borrowing) at the time was a my spouses friends car, which was an old Ford Mustang the car was in great condition outside of needing a tune-up. On August 16, 2011 I was driving this car from my work to pickup my son from football practice when the car started sputtering. I kept praying God, please get me to the high school. When I arrived at the high school, I pulled into a parking spot where it allowed me to pull forward into the parking spot in front of me, that way I didn’t need to worry about backing out of a space.
As I sat in the Mustang sweating to death waiting for my son to finish football practice. I phoned my spouse to tell him what was going on with the car because, he was supposed to give the car a tune-up the weekend prior. When I called him I asked him why didn’t you do what you said you were going to do. I am basically stranded and afraid to drive the car further. He said, “I will take care of the car when you get home”. I said, I think I would have a better chance to have it taken care of if I run by and get the car looked at by a professional.
I was so upset that I was put in this predicament in the first place. I was frustrated and emotional over the phone with him. Shortly after hanging up on him, I looked up into the sky around 6:00 pm and asked God can my life get any worse? Well, I will admit to you right now to my dismay the answer was yes! Yes, it’s going to get a lot worse!
24 Hours Later
Have you ever asked GOD in a prayer for an answer and expect or at least hope for the answer sooner rather than later? Well I can tell you mine was answered less than 24 hours later. My question to GOD took place around the 6:00 o’clock in the evening of August 16, 2011 and was answered the very next day around the 2:00 o’clock in the afternoon hour.
Before I tell you what happened you will need you to understand why it happened. I hope you are ready for this crazy twisty kind of story. You will never know when your life will start over but, it does start over, it can start over, because your purpose is why you will restart. You need to try and keep a positive attitude, because today is a new day, all things are new in it! AMEN! So, it’s a fresh do over or start over! Every new day, is a fresh new start, because you can never say it is tomorrow, because in reality it is today.
But, you can also choose to look and live your life in the rear view mirror, which means you won’t be moving forward. We must move forward in life, seeking and walking. We will not be running, because hastiness will cause havoc, I know that all too well too. My dad had a nickname for me, he would say slow down ‘Hurricane’! Because, I would never do anything slow! Why follow directions? The answer is because you need a direction or a path to follow, if you have no direction, or you choose to not stay on the path your life may turn out like doorathee from Wizherd of Awhz , Maybe that is why my life has been what it has been.
Do you want to live with a mentality thought process of saying “I should of” or “could of” which is pure misery. If I would have finished my college education. If only I would have listened to my parents. Your parents are telling you this because of their life experiences trying to save you the time, because you will make many mistakes, these mistakes will cause you to make u-turns, hit bumps and chuckholes, and all because you didn’t want to listen to their advice. Advise is knowledge from experience!
Winging it..by GRACE. This is how I feel sometimes. I try to follow a plan. I try to be organized. I try to accomplish things every day. But at the end of most days, I feel like I struggled. Like I didn’t do anything that I wanted to. Like I failed. Like I am just WINGING IT… but then I remember something. I am guided and have direction, by GRACE. There is method to my madness, by GRACE. No matter my struggles, I am actually winning, by GRACE. I made it through another day. I can do this…by GRACE.
So the time has come to venture into the world of blogging. Scary, thrilling and exciting all at once. Starting a blog is something I have always wanted to do. I love to write and I LOVE social media and the internet. I realize this doesn’t mean I’ll be any good at…
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